Title:
Newton
Author: M.J. O'Shea
Publisher:
Dreamspinner Press
Genre:
Gay Coming of Age
Release
Date: November 27, 2013
Rory
was Ben's oldest and best friend until senior year of high school, when they
confessed they'd harbored feelings for each other all along. They enjoyed only
a few months of happiness until Ben chose closeted popularity over true love…
and he's regretted it ever since.
Eight years later, Ben is out and proud and teaching art at the same high school he graduated from. When he learns the chemistry teacher is retiring, he's excited to meet her replacement until he finds out the brand new teacher is none other than Rory Newton—the first love he's never quite gotten over. Despite a painfully awkward start, it doesn't take Ben long to realize he'll do whatever it takes to win Rory back. But it's starting to look like even his best might not be enough.
Eight years later, Ben is out and proud and teaching art at the same high school he graduated from. When he learns the chemistry teacher is retiring, he's excited to meet her replacement until he finds out the brand new teacher is none other than Rory Newton—the first love he's never quite gotten over. Despite a painfully awkward start, it doesn't take Ben long to realize he'll do whatever it takes to win Rory back. But it's starting to look like even his best might not be enough.
Chapter
One
SOMETIMES
BEN wasn’t sure what he really remembered from when he was a kid and what were
vague, pleasant images colored rose and gold from days in the sun. A lot of it
was a happy blur of campouts and skate parks, soccer camp and trips to the
public pool. If there’s one thing, though, that Ben Parsons was sure he
remembered, it was the day Rory Newton moved in next door.
They
were seven. And for at least a minute, Ben hated him. He also might have made
Rory cry.
His
mother had dragged him over there to say hello to the new neighbors, even
though Ben wanted nothing to do with the new boy when Transformers was
on—“c’mon, Mom. Transformers” didn’t seem to do the trick. Ben had to
leave his favorite cartoon and meet the new neighbors no matter how much he
protested. Mr. Newton was okay, Ben guessed. He was really tall and had a shiny
bald head that Ben wanted to rub to see if it was as smooth as it looked. Mrs.
Newton was pretty and soft and smiled a lot. She smelled like flowers, which
was kind of cool. Ben liked flowers.
But
then there was Rory, smaller than him with fluffy hair and big light-brown
eyes. His mom kept going on and on about how adorable Rory was with his golden
hair and his pretty eyes, and Ben got a little jealous, okay? So maaaybe
he kicked Rory in the shins and made the kid cry. It wasn’t one of Ben’s
shining moments.
His
mom had marched him home, spanked him, and told him to go up to his room and
think about how he must’ve made the poor sweet kid next door feel. Ben was
sorry. Really, he was. He didn’t like to be in trouble, and he’d missed the
second half of Transformers. Plus, he’d never made anyone cry before.
Not even the girl who’d tried to kiss him last year at first grade graduation.
So a few hours later, Ben told his mom he was sorry, and she took him back over
to the Newtons
“Are
we friends now?” Ben had asked. Even if he’d had a moment of spite, he couldn’t
stand the idea of the only kid on the block hating him.
“Yeah.”
Rory smiled shyly. “We’re friends.”
“I
have a trampoline. Wanna come over?” he’d asked.
Rory’s
mother had shot an alarmed look over their heads, but Ben smiled, already sure
of his capacity to charm any woman into doing what he wanted them to do. “It’s
okay, Mrs. Newton. I’ll teach him.” He gave her his most practiced smile, sure
that his expertise would make her feel better.
Ben’s
mother laughed. “Knock it off,” she said fondly and ruffled Ben’s hair. She
gave Rory’s mother a rueful grin. “This one’s a charmer. I shudder to think of
what will happen when he hits puberty.”
Mrs.
Newton laughed. “Better keep the girls locked up.”
Ben
wasn’t quite sure what that meant, but he figured his mom would tell him later.
She always did.
He
held out his hand to Rory. “Let’s go!”
He
wanted to show his new neighbor the trampoline and all his video games, impress
him any way he could. Ben figured if they had a chance of being real friends,
he had to erase the memory of that morning.
BY
THE time second grade started in September, Rory was Ben’s best friend. There
were other kids, ones he’d played with the year before. They came over
sometimes, and he liked them okay and everything, but they weren’t Rory, and
Ben was fine with that. They both had outside friends, but really only needed
each other. Their teachers wised up pretty quickly and moved Ben and Rory to
the opposite sides of the classroom no matter how many big smiles Ben gave
them.
They
made up for it at recess and lunch, at night, on weekends—every single
vacation. Third grade, they were put in different classrooms. Ben hated it, but
the second the bell rang, he was back with Rory, arm slung over his shoulders,
skipping home.
Ben
had blurry happy memories of those years, wild hot summers running around the
neighborhood until after dark, collapsing on his trampoline with sleeping bags
and flashlights. Winter was rarely cold enough for snow in northern California,
but Ben had fond flashes of hot cider, muddy games of soccer (he was way
better) and pool and ping-pong in Rory’s basement when it was too wet to go
outside (Rory beat him easily at those two, but sometimes he let Ben win). One
thing was steady—Rory. Ever since that very first day, it was them. Always
them.
NOTHING
CHANGED much when they got to middle school. A lot of their friends started
getting crushes on girls. Ben didn’t really see what was such a big deal about
the girls, but the girls sure did seem to see what the big deal was about
Rory’s caramel-colored waves and ridiculous long-lashed eyes that reminded Ben
of the color of honey. Ben tried to pretend he didn’t mind it when the girls
fawned all over Rory, but he wanted to push them off and say mine. My friend.
Luckily, Rory didn’t seem to be as excited about the girls as they were about
him. He mostly tried to avoid them. Ben flirted and smiled and did all the
things he’d done for years, but he didn’t mean anything by it, and the girls
seemed to know it. They flirted back, but nothing much came of it. Ben was
Rory’s, and Rory was Ben’s. They did everything together—even the chicken pox
in the middle of sixth grade. Sometimes Ben’s mother asked him if he wanted to
have some of the other boys over. He’d just roll his eyes and say he saw enough
of them at school. He only needed one best friend.
As
far as Ben was concerned, they were going to stay exactly the same forever.
BEN
FLOPPED down on his bed in the sweltering summer heat with his phone cradled
against his head. He’d just gotten back from the soccer field, and he honestly
felt like his face was about to melt off. Still, he’d called Rory first thing.
He always did.
“Hey,
you coming over?” Rory asked casually.
Ben’s
pulse sped out of control. He wondered if he’d had too much coffee that morning.
It couldn’t be because his best friend was on the other end of the line. His
oldest and most platonic best friend. His racing heart couldn’t be from
that. Denial game strong, Benjamin. Not strong enough. It was about
Rory, and he knew it. Damn it. Rory had been making Ben’s heart pound
for months… if not a lot longer than that.
“Course.
When do I not come over?” Ben scoffed. He tried to sound casual. “Let me get a
quick shower, and I’ll be there. You ordering pizza? I can bring cash this
time.”
That
sounded perfectly normal, right? Shower and pizza… just like yesterday. Just
like every day.
Ben
tried to act like things were exactly like they always had been. But they’d
changed. Everything always did. For the first time, he and Rory had both gotten
jobs for the summer, responsible sixteen-year-olds that they were. Ben was an
assistant coach for his stepdad’s soccer day camp; Rory folded khakis and
T-shirts at Hollister a few days a week. They still managed to see each other
every night, even if it wasn’t every day all day like in summers past. It felt
weird when they didn’t at least see each other that much. Ben started to panic
when he spent too much time away from Rory. It probably wasn’t a good thing.
But he’d been like that for years.
“Yeah,
I got pizza. I’ll see you in thirty or so?”
“More
like fifteen.” Ben chuckled. “It’s not that kind of shower,” he muttered under
his breath.
Rory
snorted out a scandalized laugh. “Good to know. Um, yeah, so I’ll be ordering
pizza now. See you soon.”
Ben
hung up the phone halfway between laughter and wishing he’d drown in the
shower. Who says stuff like that? He had no idea what had gotten into
him.
After
a quick rinse-off that actually was that kind of shower—hey, he couldn’t help
it, Rory’s voice kinda did things to him, okay?—he sailed through the front
door of Rory’s house without knocking and sprinted up the stairs to the
bedroom. He didn’t think of it as Rory’s bedroom, any more than his room was
his own. They spent so much time in each other’s spaces that over the years
they’d just kind of become one communal room. Pictures of the two of them were
plastered over both rooms’ walls, Ben had some of Rory’s science fair ribbons,
Rory had a few of Ben’s soccer trophies and the picture he’d drawn of their old
backyard fort in art class the year before.
Rory
was waiting for him on his bed, nose halfway buried in the pages of a book.
“Whatch’ya
reading?” Ben asked.
Rory
didn’t respond, just reached out absentmindedly and patted Ben’s knee. Hold on
for a second…. Ben didn’t say anything else, just flopped back onto the bed
and waited for Rory’s attention. He’d get it soon enough.
“Sorry,
that was a cool part. I just wanted to finish,” Rory finally said a few minutes
later when he put down the book.
“It’s
fine. When’s the pizza getting here?” Ben scooched around until he found Rory’s
thigh with his head. He rubbed his face into soft basketball shorts’ fabric and
springy thigh muscle and tried not to sigh. So what if lying with his head in
his best friend’s lap made his belly flip more often than not? They’d done it
for years. Rory didn’t have to know how much it affected Ben.
“Should
be here in a second. How was practice today?”
“Really
long but not bad. Jamie’s finally getting his corner kicks. I swear that kid’s
been missing them on purpose all these weeks.”
Rory
snorted. He’d heard more than his fair share of Ben bitching about Jamie the
Hopeless. Ben inhaled. He wanted to bury his face in Rory’s stomach, to smell
laundry detergent and apples and clean sweat. Rory was Ben’s favorite smell in
the world—comforting, but… not at the same time. Mostly Ben wanted to kiss him.
And he’d wanted to long enough that there was no point in denying it. He just
had to get past it if he wanted their friendship to stay intact.
“What
do you want to do after we eat?” Rory played with the bleached-out tips of
Ben’s blond hair. Rory always touched him a lot. Ben tried not to purr.
I
want to make out with you all night. “I don’t care. I’m wiped out from being in the
sun all day. Something chill.” Okay, yeah. So not the truth. He couldn’t
exactly admit what he did want to do, after all.
“Bowling’s
out, then?” Rory grinned. “Jesse and Lucas are down at the alley.”
Ben
frowned. It wasn’t that he didn’t like the other guys; he just didn’t—he didn’t
want to examine it really, why he’d rather be alone with Rory most of the time.
He felt his belly sink. “You can go. I’ll just….” He tried to sit up, but Rory
pushed him down.
“I’m
not going, dork. I was kidding. We’ll just chill. Play video games or watch a
movie. There’s gotta be something new on that neither of us has seen. I’m tired
too.”
Ben
wasn’t proud of the possessive thrill that raced through him when Rory picked
him over the rest of the guys. Didn’t stop him from feeling it….
“UGH,
I don’t feel like walking home,” Ben groaned three hours later. Sure, home was
next door, but that meant he’d have to get up and put his shoes on, and it
seemed like a hell of a lot of effort when really, he was perfectly content
right where he was.
Rory
shrugged and flicked off the TV. “So don’t. Stay here.” It wasn’t a big deal.
It had never been a big thing for one of them to pass out in the other’s bed.
They did it all the time—half the time cuddled against each other like they’d
done since they were kids. It wasn’t a big deal. Not really.
“You
sure you don’t care?”
Rory
gave him a weird look. “Of course, I don’t. I like it when you’re in here, and
I sleep better. You know that.”
“’Kay,
then I’ll stay.”
Ben
watched, dry-mouthed, as Rory stripped his shirt off and collapsed on his bed.
“I get the wall side,” he declared. It was hot, had been in the nineties all
week, so Rory turned his fan on high and kicked everything but his lightest
cover to the foot of the bed. “C’mon. Let’s go to sleep.” He held the blanket
up, and Ben crawled under. Rory curled his arm around Ben’s middle and nuzzled
him in the back of the neck. “Night,” he muttered.
“Night.
See you in the morning.”
“HEY,
PEAPODS,” Rory’s mom said when she stuck her face in the door the next morning.
“I’m off to work.” Rory’s mom was a florist. She was sweet and pretty and
typically some variation of flustered. She’d never been very good with
business, but she was great with flowers. Their garden was always beautiful.
Ben loved it.
“’Kay,
Mom,” Rory grumbled from his place up against the wall. He still had his arm
slung over Ben’s waist as usual, knees bumped up against the back of Ben’s
legs.
“Don’t
you two think you’re getting a little old to sleep in a pile like puppies?” she
asked. “Maybe we should get Ben a cot or something?”
Rory
opened his eyes just so he could roll them. Ben didn’t even have to turn around
to look. He had seen Rory do it a hundred times before. “What are you talking
about? Go to work, Ma. I’ll see you later.”
The
door closed quietly, and Rory snuffled against the back of Ben’s neck, already
starting to fall back to sleep. He didn’t get it; that much was obvious. But
Ben did. He knew the other kids at school thought they were a little weird,
walking around glued to each other’s sides like conjoined twins, barely noticing
anyone else. He didn’t really care. As long as he had Rory, it didn’t matter
anyway, but they said things about how he and Rory were a little too close to
be normal. Ben wasn’t deaf. Or stupid. The thing was, nobody mattered like Rory
did. Still. He had his friends on the JV soccer squad. They were cool, he
supposed. Rory had some friends from class too. It just wasn’t the same for
either one of them with other people. They needed each other. They always had.
But
as much as Ben hated to admit it, it wasn’t the same between him and
Rory either. Not just familiar and close and comfortable like it had been for
so many years. Sure, it was still just like it had always been on the outside.
But, at least for Ben, it was more. Because there was that thing. That… thing.
The pulse speeding when Rory called, the warm shivery melting when his hand
happened to slip under Ben’s shirt when they were halfway passed out. Yeah.
That thing. It was very much there. He’d been trying to ignore it for a long
time.
It
was getting harder.
Literally.
Especially
when Rory wrapped himself all around Ben in his old twin bed like they had
since they were little kids.
So
sure, Ben got what Rory’s mother was saying. He got why the kids whispered. He
got all of it. But if he could just kiss his best and closest friend, all the
weirdness would just melt away, and everything would start to make sense again.
Too bad Rory would probably kill him.
BEN
TRIED not to act weird around Rory. He’d been doing pretty well for nearly an
entire school year, and it had been over a year since that summer night he
realized just how much he wanted Rory as more than a friend. Act normal and
ignore your feelings. That was his mantra. And it had worked. For the most
part. But Ben knew he was acting weird. He knew he was letting the way he felt
get to him. He was also scared Rory would notice. Ben desperately hoped he
didn’t ask because there wasn’t a believable excuse, and somehow “I’m acting
weird because I’m in love with you, and I don’t know how to deal with it”
probably wasn’t the best thing to say.
Act
normal and ignore your feelings… act normal and ignore your feelings….
He
tried. He really, really tried.
“ROOORRYY,
I’M hungry,” Ben whined.
Rory
laughed and threw a pillow at him. “Hold on. This is my favorite part.”
“Can
we pause it?” Ben knew he was being obnoxious, but an hour sitting next to
Rory, smelling him, wanting so desperately to reach out and wind his fingers
into that shaggy summer hair that still hovered between brown and gold…
painful. “You know what? I’ll just go make us some stuff. You stay here.”
Rory
paused the movie. “Okay. What’s up? You’ve been acting weird for days.”
“I
haven’t.” Ben tried to laugh, but it came out sounding more like a snort. He
tried to stand too, but Rory pushed him back onto his bed.
“Bull.
Shit.” Rory kept his hand on Ben’s chest. “Now tell me what’s going on.
You always tell me when things are bothering you.”
“Can’t
we just finish the movie?” Ben would say pretty much anything at that point to
keep Rory from prying. “I’m not hungry anymore.”
“Ben.
What the hell? We’ve been friends for ten years. I know something’s up; just
say it already, and I can help you fix it.”
Not
likely.
“Nine years and eleven months,” he said instead. “Our anniversary isn’t until
August.”
Rory
started to get mad. Ben knew because he always did this thing where he clenched
his jaw and popped his fingers. “Quit making jokes. If you don’t want to talk
about it, just say so. I….” His anger visibly drained away, and he just looked
hurt. “I won’t ask again.”
“Ro,
don’t be like that….”
“It’s
just that you’ve been acting so different. I thought it was something I said or
did. Are you mad at me?”
Ben
hated himself. “No, not at all. C’mere.” He pulled Rory into a loose hug,
something they’d done a million times. Rory wrapped his arms around Ben’s waist
and nuzzled his neck. Something he’d done a million times too. Ben’s reaction?
That was new. He moaned. He freaking moaned out loud at the touch of
Rory’s lips on his neck. He wanted to die.
“Ben?”
Rory pulled back. “What…?”
Ben’s
cheeks felt so hot he could’ve sworn he erupted into fire. On the spot. “Just
please forget you heard that. Jesus God shit. Watch the movie. Okay?”
“Ben?”
Rory lifted his hand, slowly, hesitantly, and cupped Ben’s face. “Really?”
“Yes.”
He couldn’t lie. It had been too obvious. Ben was humiliated. Officially
humiliated. He moved, to start getting his shoes on so he could escape to his
house and never ever come out again.
“Me
too,” Rory whispered.
Ben
froze.
“What?”
He didn’t know if he’d been hallucinating or if the heavens freaking opened up
in that one moment and poured the sound of angels singing right into his
bedroom because he could’ve sworn he just heard Rory say…. Wait, what did
he say?
“What
do you mean by ‘me too’?” Ben had to be sure.
Rory
didn’t answer. Instead, he leaned forward, nudged Ben’s nose with his own, and
brushed his lips across Ben’s in a short, tender kiss. “That’s what I mean.”
Ben
shuddered like his whole body was trying to come apart. He nearly cried with
relief, and then the shock hit him. Rory had just kissed him. Rory had
just kissed him.
Rory
grinned. “I’ve been wanting to do that for years.”
“Years?”
Ben asked. Years?
Ben
figured maybe if he kept repeating things in his head, they’d start to seem
less like a desperation-induced hallucination. Holy hell, Rory just kissed
me, and he’s wanted to for freaking years. Years. YEARS. That last part
still hadn’t sunk in.
“Yeah.”
Rory chuckled at what must’ve been blind shock on Ben’s face. “For sure since
that skate party in seventh grade, you know at the Skate King, when you were
walking around holding hands with Lauren?” Rory rolled his eyes. “I wanted to
rip her stupid pink hair extension clip-ons out by the root.”
Lauren?
He had zero memory of that. What he did remember was Rory falling and him
rushing out into the middle of the rink to save him. “Why didn’t you tell me?”
“Why
didn’t you tell me?” Rory countered.
Ben
shrugged. “I guess I was afraid I’d lose you. Like who wants to hear that their
best friend is perving on them?” Rory raised his hand with a small smirk. Ben
laughed and reached out to pinch Rory’s stomach like they’d done, again, about
a million times. It felt different. Good different. Ben wanted to touch more.
“I know that now,” he said, still quite unable to believe it.
“Yeah,”
Rory agreed. His teasing smirk softened. “Hey, Ben?”
“Mmm-hmm?”
Ben asked, still marveling over what had just happened.
“Can
I kiss you again?” he asked.
“Not
if I kiss you first.”
“HEY
THERE.” Rory woke Ben up a few weeks later with one of his slow, soft kisses.
Ben was addicted—can’t get enough of it, fiending all the time like the kisses
were crack—kind of addicted.
“Hey,”
he mumbled and kissed Rory back. He tried to be casual about it, like his blood
wasn’t racing through his body at lightning-bolt speed over one simple kiss,
but he must’ve failed.
Rory
grinned at him and leaned over. “Do you know how much I think about kissing
you?” he whispered into Ben’s ear with a particularly dirty little laugh. “It’s
even worse now that I know what it’s like. I swear to God that’s the only thing
I thought about the entire day at work yesterday. Getting you here and kissing
you all night.”
Ben
shivered. That’s what they’d done. Kissed and cuddled and sucked at each
other’s necks like ravenous vampires until they passed out somewhere close to
dawn. They’d talked in there too, and joked like they always did. They talked
about college, planned for the future.
Their
plans hadn’t changed much; they’d always figured they would apply to school
together, share a room and everything else just like always. Be the same. Ben
just figured they’d add kissing to that plan. And touching too when they were
both ready to take that step. Ben wanted to touch. He wanted everything.
“I
swear I can’t even think of anything but kissing you,” he murmured. Among
other things. “I almost got nailed in the head by a ball the other day when
some kid missed his goal by about a hundred feet.”
Rory
kissed Ben’s perfectly unbruised forehead and then pressed another to his lips.
Their kiss deepened, but Rory stopped when they heard his mother’s footsteps in
the hall. Ben tried to shift away guiltily, but stubborn arms held him in
place. Rory’s mom opened the door.
“You
two better get up soon,” she said. Ben swore he felt her gaze on him, like she
knew he’d been making out with her son only moments before.
“I
don’t have to work today, Mrs. Newton.” Ben tried to sound normal. Normal,
normal, normal. Not turned on. Ugh. He hoped he’d succeeded.
“But
Rory does, right?”
“Mom,
it’s fine. And I’m seventeen, you know. Don’t you think I’m a little old for
you to come in and wake me up every morning?”
“You
being seventeen is exactly why I should come in here more often. But I
suppose it’s fine if it’s just Ben here and not some young lady….”
“Mom—”
Rory looked like he was about to say something, something that couldn’t be
taken back once it was out in the open.
“I’ll
make sure to get Rory to work on time,” Ben assured Mrs. Newton with his big
lady-charmer grin. It still worked on her after all these years.
She
smiled. “Thank you, dear. Have a good morning, you two.”
Rory
made a face at Ben as soon as she left. “What was that? I want my parents to
know the truth about us. I want them to know there’s never going to be a girl
in here.”
Ben
panicked a little at the thought. He did want to tell his parents, wanted to
tell pretty much the entire universe to be honest, but he wasn’t sure how his
dad would take it. Especially after all the sleepovers and shared sleeping
bags.
“I
know. Me too. But what if after you tell them the truth about us, they don’t
let me spend the night anymore? I mean, best scenario is our parents are cool
with us being together and… well….” He didn’t know how to say the word.
“Gay?”
Rory prompted. He didn’t look like he’d questioned it too much.
“Yeah.
Gay.” Ben sighed. He reached out for Rory’s hand. “Even if they’re cool with
the rest of it, that still means we’re teenaged guys sleeping in their
boyfriend’s bed. I don’t know about yours, but I don’t think my parents will be
okay with that.”
A
slow smile spread over Rory’s face. “Boyfriend?”
“Well,
yeah. What would you call it?”
“I
guess I hadn’t gotten around to naming it. But I like that I can call you
that.”
“Ro.
You know I love you. I always have, and I always will. It’s just… different
now. More. You and I could never just be like casually dating or whatever. We
have too much history between us.” And I like how I just announce that like
it’s a fact. Ben blushed.
“I
know,” Rory said easily. “Boyfriend.” He slid his fingers into Ben’s
hair and brought him in for a kiss. “I love you too.” Always have and always
will. It was implied. Ben knew that was the way things were meant to be for
them.
“BABE!
I made the varsity team!” Ben’s whole body thrummed with excitement. He hadn’t
thought it would happen. Their school had one of the best soccer programs in
the country. His dad had been over the moon when Ben called to give him the
good news. Ben flopped onto the bed he’d spent most of the summer in and
reached for Rory’s embrace. “I can’t believe I did it.”
His
boyfriend grinned. “I can. You’re amazing. Why would you doubt it?” Rory dipped
his face down for a long, slow kiss, but when he pulled back, Ben saw the worry
in his eyes. Rory couldn’t ever hide what he was feeling from Ben. Neither of
them could.
“Hey,
it’s gonna be fine, okay?” He knew why Rory was worried. The varsity soccer
guys ruled the school, and some of them… weren’t the type Ben would choose as
friends. But just because he’d be playing with them, didn’t make them his new
best friends. It didn’t mean he had to act like them either.
“I
know it’s going to be fine.” Rory smiled his sweet heartbreaker of a smile. Ben
didn’t think he’d ever get over how that smile made him feel. “I love you.”
“I
love you, too. Always have, always will,” Ben said with a smile. “Nothing’s
gonna change. Come kiss me again.”
“Okay.”
M.J. O’Shea
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